The Girl With No Face

I’m blogging from work.

yes! you read correctly. I got a friggin’ job. whoop-di-fuckin-do.

i’ve had this weird cough since i started on monday, and yesterday, at work, i got my period.

and now the phone won’t stop ringing on my office mate’s desk. she’s not there. jeezz..

I don’t blog as much now. its because the people i want to blog about are people that read this blog. I don’t care anymore.

my head is fuzzy..

everyone here is a dork. there’s no one i can talk to. whats that all about?

damn .. i can’t think straight …

i already know who everyone hates and who everyone likes. backwards mentallity. can’t even wear a short skirt. fucking dirty minded fuckers.

I’m tired. the period is making me tired. my back aches and my stomach’s in knots. its her fucking birthday, the hoe thats trying to take away my best friend.

i have to show up. i’ve been avoiding them for weeks, my friends. they’re just not good for me. they’re the people who were always popular in school. they’re well trained to know exactly what to say to make people feel inferior to them. i was popular too, tho i did JUST find that out recently. but that was completely different. I was in public school. all girls. popularity had no meaning. had no status. it just happened randomly and people find out years later that they were once popular. they, my “friends” were all in private schools. mingled with snobs and got it in their heads that they’re better than everyone else.

now they’re taking my best friend away from me. she has fun with them and she likes them, a lot. who am I to stop her. but she never wants to hang out with me anymore, just the two of us.

i don’t blame her. she’s sweet. she doesn’t do it intentionally.

I’m just hurt.

my life has been drama free for weeks. its cause they’re not around me anymore. just the way i like it.

fuckin-A!! i don’t even want to meet new people. i don’t even want to make friends at work. i hate people. people suck.

you know what did it for me? what made me want to just stay the fuck away? .. when i was depressed, angry, sad.. this is how it went:

me (to two of them): you don’t even know what the fuck i’m going through, and you don’t even care.

p: no, i know exactly what you’re going though, and frankly, it is not our problem. whatever your problem is, its just that, YOUR PROBLEM. the attention you want, you are NOT going to get from us. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of everyone’s problems.

me (crying): ok, enough. please don’t say anything else.

— fast forward two weeks later, P calls me up and is sad and angry and i go to pick him up. he complains and complains and complains. angry, shouts, talks, irrationally gets into a fight with the rest. makes up with them.. four hours later, i drop him home.

I was screaming inside my head. all i did was be supportive to him. this time and thousands of times before.. i listen to him, i explain things, i make it better, i’d listen to him being irrational, i would be hurting because of something, but he’d be completely unaware and just give me his crap. i never told him, i never complained to him. i never asked him for anything.

this is my problem with him, with them, all of them. “friends” is just a word to them. they don’t know when it matters. they’re all about fun and games. talk about eachother with everyone else. drama. problems. secrets. he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not. hate, resentment and jealousy. fucking psychos!!

why are Marlboro Ultra lights hurting my throat? whats different?

my head is fuzzy.. it feels heavier than usual. my fingers are cold. my outfit is girly eww.. my phone never rings. and when it does, i don’t pick up.

see ya