Dear life,
what the fuck!? i never asked to be born! so why bring me and rape me the way you do?
why make all this shit happen to me when i can’t cope like other people can? why bring me a best friend and then take her the fuck away from me? why make me sad when there’s no way to make me happy? why doesn’t my mother notice?
why are animals more loyal than humans? why are dogs more loyal than cats? why should i care how people feel when no one feels for me? why can’t i just move the fuck on? why is it always their way or the highway?
life, i am open to new ideas. when I’m wrong i admit that I’m wrong. why does no one else do that? why doesn’t she see that she’s been fucking me over? why don’t i have the courage to tell her to her face? i am angry. but i must NOT be angry. i must not hurt her or anyone. i don’t deserve to be angry. i want to be indifferent but i can’t. the only thing i feel is anger. i want to hurt her like she’s hurting me. my best friend -pah!- loves them more. its obvious. she’s keeping things from me which are about me just to keep them happy. she pretends that she’s doing stuff for me but its bull. why didn’t she cancel her trip to Dubai when they refused to book for me? it was supposed to be our trip! why doesn’t she defend me with them? why does she only defend them with me?
i can’t talk to her about it because whenever i do she gets headaches. i feel guilty. even tho i need her, i can’t burden her. its about her, and i can’t do anything.
when i beg her to spare time to come to see me, she sits there and rests her head in her hands looking tired. she reminds me of my mum. whenever i talk to my mum she does that. and it hurts so much. she doesn’t have the time for me. i burden her. i give her a headache.
seriously? “call your therapist” is the best you can do?
i have no one.
fuck you life! i wish you were over!
with all my hate,
Faceless
p.s. why is it that when it gets serious with me, everyone backs the fuck away? why do you only love me when I’m “happy”? deal with your shit and when you’re back to normal, come see us. fuck!
I’m sure there’s at least a few people who wouldn’t mind you talking things over with them. I, one of which, would like to help. You’re obviously in much distress and you could do without it.You can reach me via email. If prefer not to, please make sure you talk with someone who’s not part of the problem.
When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.
– Alan Paton
Forgive and forget
Ok Faceless, pretend for a few minutes that you’re someone else, and read your post again.
You’re letting all these external factors bother you and perhaps using them as an excuse for some other underlying thing that is upsetting you. In other words, you’re pointing too many fingers and not taking action yourself. You really come across as a dependent person, and people don’t have the time nor need that.
People like independence and confidence in others, and fair enough, they will give you some time to whinge and whine, but cross that line one two many times, and they’ll really get over it.
Plan yourself around yourself. If other people want to join, then that’s fine. Otherwise, you do your own thing. Once you develop that bit of confidence/independence, you’ll see people slowly surrounding you again.
believe me or not. no body will feel ur pain as much as u feel.even the therapist can’t do any thing for people that do not need to help their self .Girl with no face ur the only one can help ur self to get out from all these things .Remember u will SURVIVE
I completely second Odd.. Well said.
Have a second thought about your life. Faceless. There must be something you could do about the stuff bothering you this much. Also, stop being negative!
Life smiles back at those who smile at it.
No one dies virgin!! do you know why?
Because life F***S everyone!
Hi Girl w/ no face, remember that you are loved and cherished and that you are of value. ALWAYS…I sense such sadness and anger in your post. I am sorry things aren’t working out for you. I know we are strangers but shoot me an email anytime if you need to let off some steam or someone to cyber talk to.
Gardens
u may not realize it but u did hurt her!
she keeps defending u, trying to think of ways to make it better. but when all she gets from talking to you is yelling and accusations of not being loyal, loving them more than u, not being there for u when u have always been there for her and telling her that she’s causing all the shit in ur life.. u should excuse her for escaping. Not everyone knows how to handle stuff like that.. when she said u should talk to someone it was because she was afraid anything else she may say or do is going to hurt u more.. if it was just about listening to u she would’ve done it and you know it, but things have gone out of control now.
if she didnt care about u she wouldn’t have been reading ur blog! she’s even refering to herself as a third person, that’s how bad she got, ur not the only one not thinking straight. i’m not this perfect girl who’s closer to being an angel than human, i don’t always do the right thing and it puts me under so much pressure that everyone expects me to. why can’t i be a bit selfish for once? hasn’t my life always been about pleasing others? and why is it that when i do it it’s selfish but when others do it it’s because they need their space?
and to have my friend use her help for me when i needed it - and never really asked for it btw- against me now that i cant help her?!! it’s just too much for me to handle on my own. u don’t have to think of ways to hurt me cause i am hurt!
“and to have my friend use her help for me when i needed it - and never really asked for it btw - against me now that i cant help her?!! ”
give me ONE situation where i ever told you you owed me!! give me ONE sentence where i said i did this for you so you have to do this for me!! .. i would never do that!! did i ever remind you of any of that????? goddammit m.. seriously .. don’t read my blog .. i need THIS at least .. this one thing thats making me feel better!! .. you can be selfish and take your space all you want. you are right. you deserve it. just let me have my blog!