i hate going home..
i really really do. everything i’m doing is losing its yummyness.. i’m falling again into that viscious circle. the numbness. that black hole. everything is bland. and i just hate going home.
home is certainly NOT where the heart is. my heart doesn’t belong anywhere. its just floating there. idle. plain. still. numb. cracked. almost broken. always broken.
does that mean that my home and happiness is when I’m floating.. SHOULD I GET HIGH?
that was funny in theory. but i didn’t laugh.
I want to feel this. its perfection. the way it works, the numbness, the darkness, the sadness and agony is all simply… perfect.
the way i see it, there’s nothing better.
I feel this to the max. i savour it. i feel every last drop of it. its complete. it lasts. its perfect.
no other emotion is felt like my black hole. no other emotion lasts or lingers or is as deep or is even felt as completely as this beautiful black hole.
I am a masochist.
Yeah go on…. I mean I try to make you feel good but you yourself keep bringing yourself down… you hate home, I hate home but I keep going to it…. GET OVER It… just be the unique you that you are… if don’t wanna, either talk to me or just kill yourself and spare us the misery…. I like you too much to see you going thru all this….
Do anything that make you feel happy. If you hate home do don’t pretend that you like it, the most important thing is not to lie to yourself.
LIB team :).. what is it with me.. for the first time in my life.. this tough love concept is working for me.. my cousin practically yelled at me through text messages. hahah and when i saw ur comment i was all like “SNAP OUT OF IT!!” AND i did!
I’m trying to do things that make me happy and I’m also trying to manipulate my brain into thinking that it likes the things i hate .. hahaah i know.. complicated 
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MBC.. thanks
Good good! Like I said, life isn’t worth us moping at people not liking us, we should be carefree and if people don’t like what we have to do or say, screw them. Good to see you back on the positive side