The Girl With No Face

In the past week, whenever I’d have a conversation with DIFFERENT people about DIFFERENT topic, things I’m passionate about, like freedom, religion or MUSIC even, I get the same reaction from people: “You can’t fight society, you’re only ONE person”.

what happened to passion and courage?!?!? what happened to the hippies and the 70s where people would fight for what they thought was right?!?!?!  Doesn’t a revolution start with ONE persons idea? Doesn’t a million dollars start with ONE dollar?

why do we always have to give in? and why is it that US GIRLS must sacrifice the most?

why can’t i just go to a concert to enjoy the music and dance to it just for the fuck of it? why is it that i have to think 28302830 times before i even considering attending one of those thing? why is it that when I’m there, I bump into someone related to me, who is DRUNK i might add, who YELLS at me to go home!!

I have nothing against drinking. what i do have a problem with is the fact that you were yelling at me for just being in a place where there are MEN who are DRUNK. my friend, you are just adding fuel to the fire.

You were yelling at me and telling me “what are you doing here? what could you POSSIBLY want by coming here?” *erm, the music?*

I’m not there to pick up girls like YOU are, and I’m not there to get drunk tonight. I am here for the music. plus, YOU’RE drunk, aren’t you worries that people might talk about you?

“il 9bay may3eeba shay!!” (roughly translates to  = nothing can touch a man’s reputation)

EXCUSE ME?!

“What if someone bothers you? who will be there to protect you?”

Hmmm, being that I am 3 or 4 years OLDER than you are, I think that I can take care of MYSELF!

“People will talk about you!”

and say WHAT exactly? that i was at a concert? umm, they’re kinda right, because i AM here for the music!

“People will not say that you’re here for the music, people will say that you’re out late and that you were drunk and that you’re not a good girl!”

Define ‘good girl’!! If being a good girl means doing WRONG THINGS without people knowing, then i don’t want to be a ‘good girl’ because the way i see it, most girls in this country would rather go out with guys, get drunk, get high or just be plain fucked up without anyone knowing and STILL be labeled as a ‘good girl’. i just want to live my life doing what i think is right and sometimes being a human being and wanting to do something wrong, and DOING it. i want to live in a place where i don’t have to abide by rules i don’t believe in. GIRLS have urges too!! Girls have sexual needs and needs to flirt and feel wanted, needs to be BAD and smoke weed!! we not only have to NOT do these things, we have to PRETEND that we don’t have these needs or urges!!

*do you GET how FUCKED UP that is?*

“You’re ONE person, you can’t fight the whole society!!”

WHY NOT?!? The society is WRONG!! and I’m not saying this because i think I’m right, LOGIC tells you that society is WRONG!!

“go home! or you can stay here only with ME!”

BYE

did he really expect me to stay under his mercy? Not able to walk or move or dance or even look at anyone?

fuck!! and i was so excited about it!! he ruined it for me..

 

People in this country have no idea how big of a community there is of secret smokers. and you’d be shocked at how many of them are female smokers. But for something to stay a secret in Bahrain, is fucking near impossible. So I’m going to give all you smoking girls some tips on how to keep your smoking secret from your family and the rest of the world (I’ll prolly go to hell for this haha)

• there are places in budaya by the sea, with benches and no one would ever know you. there are street lights but there are none by the benches, so even if someone did see you, there’s a really tiny chance that they’d recognize you. my friends and i spend so much time there.. (Well, we used to at least. in the winter)
• Also, believe it or not, one of the best places to smoke, is in the car. its better because the smell won’t stick on you and also because you can hide it well. to be able to smoke in the car you have to do the following:
  • you have to only smoke when you’re on the highway cuz you know you won’t be stopping and you can hide it well..
  • its preferable at night but you can still pull it off during the day.
  • you have to be used to driving and used to smoking with your left hand haha
  • you crack open your window maybe less than an inch
  • and you keep your hand holding the cigarette a few inches away..
  • while driving 80 km/h and more, the smoke will be sucked outside
  • oh and before you light it, make sure that the AC on the left side of the steering wheel is off and the one on your right, turned away.
  • you have to have a long enough road to finish a whole cigarette before you have to stop again right? and thats hard to find in bahrain. but from experience, i can tell you the best ways are:
    • the roundabout between hamad town and riffa.. (dunno what its called).. as soon as you leave that round about, light a cigarette. you’ll be done right before you reach the seef mall flyover OR if you’re headed for like the adhari road, you’ll be done before you reach within 100 meters of that traffic light.
    • ok, you know the dark road from alareen that goes to al jazayer beach? … haha thats the one..  you light the cigarette when you get on that road and you reach the roundabout, you take a U turn and half way down that road, you’ll be done, before you even reach al areen again.
• believe it or not, there are places you can go to where you can smoke and no one will know. for instance:
  • Mambo cafe in tubli (cuz they have partitions)
  • Friends cafe in Adleya (cuz they have rooms)
  • hong kong and any other restaurants with rooms in them.
• some more tips would be,
  • always have mints or gum with you whenever you go to smoke.
  • always keep the cigarette away from your face when holding it.
  • always keep perfume, believe me, it does wonders.
  • when you kiss someone hello, try to avoid opening your mouth till your mouth is far enough from his/her nose.
  • and if you’ll smoke in the car, its preferred that you’re sitting on leather seats. cuz even tho most of the smoke goes out the window, there are still traces. and these traces are less likely to stick on leather obviously.
  • a good way to ventilate the car and get rid of whatever cigarette smell thats left is to put the AC on high and open all the windows while you’re driving fairly fast. your hair will be a mess but at least you’ll sleep feeling safe. hahah

bottom line, after re-reading this, i can’t believe how horribly difficult it is to be a girl in this country. i mean I go through all that trouble because i can’t let people know that i smoke because all of a sudden im a HOE if i do. jeez!! i mean whats the difference between me smoking and all you boys smoking?.. why does it make me bad when it just somehow adds to your character!!??

All i can say is I LOVE IT that cigarettes are calorie free

 P.S. I finally wrote this post, June

Just to emphasize my point from the last post, I was looking around one of those picture sites and this guy posted a picture of his friend in the pool (obviously shirtless). These are the comments about the picture:

Guy in pic: shit alawi3 il jabd ya5i =p

guy #1: heheheh loool dont worry! hair = MAN POWER HAHAHA SAME THING HERE

guy #2: `ya7mar a7la shay 9bayan msha3ereeen SEXY !!!(H)

Random girl: Ay Sexy:| !!!!!!!!? Wa3;p

Guy in pic: wa3 fe 3ainich 3ad. kint nayim min chi shakly wa3. if i stand up ull melt;-)

guy #2: eheheheheheheh shla 3askareem bu ni9 !!!:P

——————————-

tell me they’re not vain .. tell me

“June Said: What are you on about? Didn’t you know girls never poop and all their farts smell like roses?”

I once had a conversation with 4 guys and 3 girls about this:

all 8 of us were sitting around watching a really stupid show called “pepper dennis” its stupid .. it was on mute. i promise. our standards of tv entertainment are much much higher than “pepper dennis”.
aaaaaaanyway, so this really hot guy on the show takes of his shirt. *sigh* he doesn’t have a 6 pack, he’s got like a 12 pack.

so KJ turns to the girls and says “Do you girls think that this is what guys’ bodies look like or are supposed to look like?”
(this, by the way, is the first time any bahraini guy shows any evidence of insecurity)

me: “no, we’ve come to terms with the fact that in this country, this kind of body doesn’t exist. plus bahraini boys are hairy and gross, but there’s nothing we can do about it”

S *sarcastically*: “yea, we’re used to it. we are just supposed to thank god for even having a smelly hairy ugly guy in our lives”

the rest of the girls: “YEA! so grateful!!” “please grace us with your presence”

one of the guys says “what are we supposed to do? god gave us this hair!!!”

S: “wax it off!!”

me: “yea!! god made hair grow out of MY armpit!! but i REMOVE MINE!!! .. why don’t you do the same??!!”

*everyone laughs*

me: “whats so funny?”

S: “we didn’t need to know that!”

me: “know what? about the armpit thing?? jeeeeeeeeeez I’M SO sorry S, not all of us have flowers growing out of our armpits like YOU!!”

*more laughter*

S: “no, i mean its not something we say”

me: “but guys go around proudly scratching their balls while farting!! with hairy, sweaty armpits, furry backs, hairy arms and legs and they don’t even bother to shave every other day all the while thinking they’re gods gift to women.. AAAAND they give us shit when we have one litttle hair out of place on our eye brows!!! and we are supposed to pretend that we don’t eat!! we never burp!! have naturally perfect eye brows, perfect skin, we never fart, we piss perfume and we don’t even have a friggin’ poop chute!!!!”

p (pointing at Rebecca Romain on TV and completely unaware of the speech i had just given) said: “but girls are supposed to look this way!!”

girls: “WHATtheFUCKISWRONGwithYOUYOUSTUPIDidiotYOUHAVEnoIDEAWHATWEGOTHROUGHtoREMOTELYREACHpeople’s STANDARDSinTHISCOUNTRY!!FUCKINGHELLyouSHOULDhavebabiesNOTUSWEGOthroughENOUGHpain!!!!!!”

me: “p, did you watch 40 year old virgin?”

p: “yea”

me: “you saw the part where they waxed his chest?”

p: “yes”

me: “are you willing to do that? just for the fuck of feeling the pain we feel for once in your life”

p: “no”

me: “then shut up! i hope you marry a hairy girl and find out that she’s hairy on your wedding night!!”

————

now boys, crack your knuckles, stretch, and start explaining to me how this backwards mentality came to be.
yes, you have to do this!! unless you want to risk extinction!!
its your responsibility to your gender! MAKE US, FRUSTRATED GIRLS, UNDERSTAND!

p.s. I think guys look more manly with chest hair and that rugged unshaven look. its hot. i was just making a point. about men’s expectations vs. women’s expectations of the opposite sex

I Just got back from the last Spring Of Culture show at the Arad Fort. Un-fucking-believable!!

talk about the essence of Brazil! talk about truly bringing us Culture!
ok, i won’t pretend that I’m any kind of expert, I’ve never been to Brazil. but for two hours tonight, I lived Brazil.It was like magic. the second act was, i dunno if this is the right word, a symphony. four people appeared on the stage holding little instruments. the light fell on them and only them, and they started playing the instruments. playing something beautiful. then more people walked onto the stage, carrying strange little things that made noise that fit beautifully into the beautiful music. I guess thats when i fell in love.from the moment i sat down till the moment the show ended, the smile did not leave my face. and now my face aches, but my heart doesn’t. the beauty, the music, the life and the chemistry! it made me happy.

now lets start talking about the washboard abs of Brazil’s beautiful men.
here’s to a country where women look like women and men look like MEN!! the women aren’t perfect and neither are the men, but they’re all beautiful. they’re confident and proud of their bodies! I suppose that THAT is enough to make a person beautiful.

but the men, oh the gorgeous men, *sigh* made us feel things that we’re not supposed to.

at some point, one guy was dancing and took of his shirt. all the chicks in the audience shouted “WOOHOO!” while clapping, then, abruptly, they all went quiet! i guess that, for a second, all of us girls forgot where we were. don’t forget that on this island, you are NOT allowed to show your feelings or express any emotions.

one of my friends said something very funny. she said “when i saw them move, the first thing that came to mind was that these people must be amazing in bed.” and another friend said “so what do you think these guys are doing later tonight?”

hear my virgin friends speak! they’re almost prudes, but this is what Brazil did to them.

yes. the show made the sexually active more active, and the sexually frustrated *ahem* more frustrated.

but us girls weren’t the only ones who were entertained. one act was of this couple dancing, and the chick was wearing a strapless tutu. now, i asked a couple of people and not everyone noticed, but the people in the front all saw what happened. half way through the dancing, one of her breasts popped out!! *this is the part where you gasp* i kid you not! i wasn’t completely sure until i saw some people looking embarrassed, with their hands on their mouths, trying to look away.
I was embarrassed for the girl. i was also traumatized. i can’t imagine how humiliating it would be to have that happen to someone in front of so many people. but you know what? being the Brazilian she is, she strutted back on stage smiling and dancing as if nothing had happened.

Sadly though, the show had to end at some point. plus my ass was falling asleep.
I’m happy to say that a very entertained audience gave them a standing ovation which was well deserved! everyone was in awe. everyone was impressed.

but i gotta say, the parliament is gonna have a field day with this show. even if the boob went unnoticed, we still got to see boys and girls in panties!I’m so happy I went to this show!! it was totally worth it! but at the rate that the stupid parliament is going, i don’t think that we’re going to have any shows like this one in any future “Spring Of Culture”, and thats if there even IS a “Spring Of Culture” in the future!!lets look on the bright side, i was exposed to a culture and now I’m in love. maybe there’s something there. maybe I’ll have a Brazilian wax and marry a Brazilian and have cute, dancing Brazilian babies. or maybe i just go there on my next vacation!I Salute You Brazil!! the country, the people, the passion and the culture. you must be proud!

is moving out an option in this country?

I’m SO tired of this. I’m so sad and frustrated!!!!!!! I can’t stand it i can’t!!!! i know it sounds self centered, but it feels like the whole world is out to make my life more difficult.

WHY DOES NO ONE SIDE WITH ME? WHY DOES NO ONE SEE MY POINT OF VIEW??

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT CAN’T BE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN’T ALWAYS BE WRONG!!!

i can’t handle my parents having this control on me. they’re not supposed to!!

I HAVE FUCKING COMMITMENTS that i have to consider!!! they can’t GROUND ME!!! I’m 23!!!

FUCK!! FUCK .. i think i’m going to spontaneously combust!!

Pathetic Flash back: when i was 13 or 14, i remember planning to kill myself because in my head, it was a good payback.

i was such a disturbed child

ok.. road rage at a new level.. i shall call it “Road Madness”.

before i tell you what happened, i just wanna say that there is no way i have any excuse for what i did.

actually, i have a few.. but they don’t justify it.. (that time of the month, low blood sugar, stopped taking antidepressants for a week.. etc)

so here’s the thing, it was the first day of my period and had cramps. so when my family went out for lunch, i didn’t feel like moving. so i told my little sister to get me a Quiznos sandwich on her way back from Seef.

So as time passed, i started getting hungry AND bored (cable stopped on the 1st of Jan) and hungrier and boreder. i started sending her messages, she replied that she’s in Forever 21. the DREADED Forever 21. :’(

(I HATE that place. whenever my sister and i go to Dubai, she spends 3 quarters of the time in Forever 21. in every mall we go, she goes to forever 21. FUCK FOREVER 21.. )

so anyway, by 5:30 i decided to go get my own sandwich because it seemed like my sister was sleeping over at the forever 21. so i got changed, had some Panadol for the PAIN and then called Quiznos from the highway. i told them that I’ll be there in like 7 minutes (HA!).

So i got to Seef area and i saw the Saudi and Qatari infested area over loaded with cars!!

but since i made the order, i had to get there.

so as i turned that turn between Al Aali Mall and toys R us, i just stopped there.

THE CARS DID NOT MOVE ONE INCH FOR 45 MINUTES!!!! .. all because of fucking saudi and qatari idiots who insisted on turning even tho there was absolutely nowhere to go!!!

during the whole time i was waiting, i was just swearing and hating and thinking of ways to kill off all the Saudi’s and i had scenarios and stuff. i had budgets for the methods of getting rid of them and locations and stuff.

and thats when it happens. i FLIPPED.

i drove in the wrong lane to block the fucking Qatari idiot’s car, i got out of the car, knocked on his window and started yelling at him.

it was so surreal. i went into this blind rage that i barely remember what the fucker was saying to me. and then i turned around and yelled at the rest of the cars there. then with so much anger i threw my phone on the pavement where it broke. i had to pick it up with whatever dignity i had left and got into the car.

the traffic DID move after that.

but I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m nuts!

HELP!

I’m not leaving the house until there’s a place to go.

- this place has to not be crowded.
- this place has to ban these assholes with ghitra and 3gaal and can’t move their heads in fear that the ghitra will fall!!
- this place has to not be in adlya or gudaybeya
- this place has to have really good coffee
- this place has to NOT be Starbucks
- this place has to have comfortable couches and has to have yummy food
- this place has to be mine .. miiiiiiiiiine…

dammit.. i need to get my own place ..

…….. I’ve come to a decision. my photography and video editing are mine and mine alone! when they start being work, a chore, whatever ,, i start not wanting to do them.

…….. is it weird that i love waking up to thunder????? it means that its raining!!!! and i love the sky when there’s rain.. i love the whole atmosphere when it rains.. i love how romantic it looks.. i love how you just wanna snuggle up with someone you love under a blanket and look outside the window all day.. i love how my dad grabs the jeep keys and goes driving in the desert.. i just love the rain..
i wish it rains everyday ..
maybe i should move to London or something!

so I’m like a freak of nature. i tend to be happier to wake up early when there is rain and cloud and the whether to me is so fucking romantic.

so here’s what i’ve noticed. when i get my car washed, the second it’s clean, it starts raining!!

so basically, getting my car cleaned is like doing some sort of Native American Rain Dance.

with me so far?

so i miss the rain.

so i’ve decided to get my car cleaned today. hahahah .. lets test out this lovely theory.

I love harry potter .. i know some of you may think i am a dork, but you know what? I must’ve read thousands of books in my life time .. but my all time favorite book is definitely Harry Potter .. (sorry .. ha ha .. i was watching one of the harry potter movies when i wrote that)

Anyway .. so I’ve not written in a while, i guess its ’cause every time i log on to blog, i get so busy with clearing all the spam and everything .. UHH!! .. i hate spam!!

fuck it!!

so, its strange, ya know, I’ve been learning a lot about myself. I, of course, had to learn these things from a friend of mine. he had to sit there for an hour and tell me why he’s pissed at me.

anyway, i don’t care about that. I’m over it.. but what I’m not over is the fact that he knew a lot of these things from this other friend of mine. lets call her X and him Y. so Y has been telling me that there are certain conversations that we have, all of us, as a group that i shouldn’t repeat. and me, being the idiot that i am, sometimes repeat what we talk about not thinking its a big deal.

so this was the big thing that was pissing my friends off. i get it. I’ll be more careful.

but why is it that they talk among themselves about what i do. for example, if i say something to someone in front of X, then X goes and tells Y that this and this happened INSTEAD OF COMING TO ME AND TELLING ME THAT WHAT I DID WAS WRONG. isn’t that the same thing?

why do i hate X sometimes?

why is there no loyalty in friends anymore?

so anyway, there is an upside. the whether has been fucking amazing!! especially when it rains!!! and I’ve been bonding with X and Y these days.. talking a lot..

I’m having fun, but also, as usual, having a hard time getting close to people.

what is wrong with me? why am i so scared of getting hurt?

i know I’ve had a bad past with friends, but what the fuck man!!! why am i trying to push them away?

they genuinely care about me!!

i just can’t figure out why they care..

for those of you who haven’t heard yet: mahmood.tv is blocked!!!!!!! the GodFather himself!!! jeez!!! .. anyway .. I’m gonna talk about it a little more later. i just stopped in quick to tell people that he’s mirrored Mahmood’s den in http://alyousif.tv/ so you can still find out whats going on!

Don’t stop reading.

Ok, so.. first of all, I MISS YOU PEOPLE!! why do people stop blogging in Ramadan?!?!?

*mental note: add “people lazy to blog” to reasons i hate ramadan!!*

So Anyway, the reason i have Gavin degraw’s “i don’t want to be” here is inspired by alot of reasons.
reason #1: The first episode of season 4 of one tree hill IS OUT!!! and i watched it .. and no.. i’m not a dork.. well .. maybe a little .. and a little bored!
Reason #2: is that i’m a little proud of myself.. i recieved this email today:

Thank you for your interest in Unilever and for attending our test session.

Congratulations! You have achieved the scores needed for your selected employment scheme.

We will be contacting you soon to set-up a suitable timing for your interview.

I AM trying not to get tooooooo excited, but I’m a little happy cuz i feel like i can do stuff!! you know what i’m saying?? like .. i can .. i dunno .. like .. i can achieve things!! its been a while since i last felt that!!

i know the tough part is still yet to come!! and i hope i’m on the right path to ..umm .. wherever the right path is supposed to lead!

“I Don’t wanna be anything other than what i’ve been tryin to be laatelyyyyyyyyyyyy .. all i have to do is think of me and i have peace of miiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnd .. i’m tired of looking ’round rooms wonderin’ what i gotta do, and who i’m supposed to be, iiiiiii don’t wanna be anything other thannn meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .. “

hmmm .. the words seem appropriate enough

.. i start spending more time online than offline.

.. i start referring to blog posts as “this guy/girl said .. ” when i have real life conversations with people..

.. i spend the day in bed and the night out and about.

.. i know the exact release date of the first (and next) episode of the new season of “lost”, “desperate housewives”, “prison break”, “grey’s anatomy” and “one tree hill”.

.. i go to the dvd shop and i can’t find a movie i haven’t watched.

.. i read someone’s blog and i figure out who they are (then i later find out that they’ve figured out who i am).

.. in a certain situation, i say “oh, this is like that episode of friends where Joey says ..”

.. People i barely know come up to me and tell me that i’m moody!

.. my internet speed slows down, i call batelco and yell at them till the speed comes back up.

.. after calling batelco from my phone a couple of times to yell at them, they start dodging my phone calls. (so i call from another number) *muahaha*

.. i decide to have a cigarette two minutes before Fajr prayer. “its called speed smoking”

.. i’m old enough to “catch up” with “old friends”.

.. i’m young enough to not really know what i wanna do in life.