The Girl With No Face

for those of you who haven’t heard yet: mahmood.tv is blocked!!!!!!! the GodFather himself!!! jeez!!! .. anyway .. I’m gonna talk about it a little more later. i just stopped in quick to tell people that he’s mirrored Mahmood’s den in http://alyousif.tv/ so you can still find out whats going on!

Don’t stop reading.

i have that feeling.
that feeling.
my insides are clenched.
my stomach in knots.
my guilt overtaking my existence.

i get it.
i understand.

I’m majorly fucked up.
I’m incapable of controlling my thoughts.
I’m incapable of controlling my actions.
I’m not in control.
I have none. control that is.

And I’ve given up.
Given up.

Given up trying.
Given up thinking.
Given up wanting.

Misunderstood?
Really?
Am I?

Or do i just have a need to justify?
explain my insanity?
make excuses for all the stupidity?

*doing the chicken dance* nananana nanana nananana nanana nananannananananannana nanana

ITS OVER ITS OVER ITS OVER ITS OOOOOOOOOOOOOVER

aaaaanyway..

so this friend of mine is calling me these and talking to me about these really intense things and like i dunno .. taking interest in my life and its weird.. cause i felt really uncomfortable talking to him about it ..

i think i’m more used to listening to my friends and fixing their problems ..

hmmmmm.. i dunno .. maybe he feels guilt ..

oh well ..

i love him for it .. but its still weird ..

.. ok, Ramadan is just about over. i can almost see the finish line ..

.. i’ve figured out, after many many hours of careful thought, that if there’s no proof that this is my blog, than i can write whatever the fuck i want and no one can prove its me

you might be wondering why i’m saying this. well, its because a certain person (whom i hate) managed to weasle themself into my blog. and the idea of this person (whom i hate) reading my thoughts gave me goosebumps and made me very very nauseous.

this made me debate whether or not i should close down the site. (yes. it went THAT far)

now, knowing this person, and knowing that this person would use every single thing, that is true or made up, against every single person that this person knows, i sorta freaked!

so……………. i’ve made some changes. i didn’t like making them. but i’m happy that i did. because now, i can go back to writing whatever the fuck i want and i can say “fuck” as many times as i want

and you know what .. i know you all missed me ..

AND I MISSED YOU TOO..

I’m Back!!

loved this post.

Ok, so.. first of all, I MISS YOU PEOPLE!! why do people stop blogging in Ramadan?!?!?

*mental note: add “people lazy to blog” to reasons i hate ramadan!!*

So Anyway, the reason i have Gavin degraw’s “i don’t want to be” here is inspired by alot of reasons.
reason #1: The first episode of season 4 of one tree hill IS OUT!!! and i watched it .. and no.. i’m not a dork.. well .. maybe a little .. and a little bored!
Reason #2: is that i’m a little proud of myself.. i recieved this email today:

Thank you for your interest in Unilever and for attending our test session.

Congratulations! You have achieved the scores needed for your selected employment scheme.

We will be contacting you soon to set-up a suitable timing for your interview.

I AM trying not to get tooooooo excited, but I’m a little happy cuz i feel like i can do stuff!! you know what i’m saying?? like .. i can .. i dunno .. like .. i can achieve things!! its been a while since i last felt that!!

i know the tough part is still yet to come!! and i hope i’m on the right path to ..umm .. wherever the right path is supposed to lead!

“I Don’t wanna be anything other than what i’ve been tryin to be laatelyyyyyyyyyyyy .. all i have to do is think of me and i have peace of miiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnd .. i’m tired of looking ’round rooms wonderin’ what i gotta do, and who i’m supposed to be, iiiiiii don’t wanna be anything other thannn meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .. “

hmmm .. the words seem appropriate enough