The Girl With No Face

I’m blogging from work.

yes! you read correctly. I got a friggin’ job. whoop-di-fuckin-do.

i’ve had this weird cough since i started on monday, and yesterday, at work, i got my period.

and now the phone won’t stop ringing on my office mate’s desk. she’s not there. jeezz..

I don’t blog as much now. its because the people i want to blog about are people that read this blog. I don’t care anymore.

my head is fuzzy..

everyone here is a dork. there’s no one i can talk to. whats that all about?

damn .. i can’t think straight …

i already know who everyone hates and who everyone likes. backwards mentallity. can’t even wear a short skirt. fucking dirty minded fuckers.

I’m tired. the period is making me tired. my back aches and my stomach’s in knots. its her fucking birthday, the hoe thats trying to take away my best friend.

i have to show up. i’ve been avoiding them for weeks, my friends. they’re just not good for me. they’re the people who were always popular in school. they’re well trained to know exactly what to say to make people feel inferior to them. i was popular too, tho i did JUST find that out recently. but that was completely different. I was in public school. all girls. popularity had no meaning. had no status. it just happened randomly and people find out years later that they were once popular. they, my “friends” were all in private schools. mingled with snobs and got it in their heads that they’re better than everyone else.

now they’re taking my best friend away from me. she has fun with them and she likes them, a lot. who am I to stop her. but she never wants to hang out with me anymore, just the two of us.

i don’t blame her. she’s sweet. she doesn’t do it intentionally.

I’m just hurt.

my life has been drama free for weeks. its cause they’re not around me anymore. just the way i like it.

fuckin-A!! i don’t even want to meet new people. i don’t even want to make friends at work. i hate people. people suck.

you know what did it for me? what made me want to just stay the fuck away? .. when i was depressed, angry, sad.. this is how it went:

me (to two of them): you don’t even know what the fuck i’m going through, and you don’t even care.

p: no, i know exactly what you’re going though, and frankly, it is not our problem. whatever your problem is, its just that, YOUR PROBLEM. the attention you want, you are NOT going to get from us. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of everyone’s problems.

me (crying): ok, enough. please don’t say anything else.

— fast forward two weeks later, P calls me up and is sad and angry and i go to pick him up. he complains and complains and complains. angry, shouts, talks, irrationally gets into a fight with the rest. makes up with them.. four hours later, i drop him home.

I was screaming inside my head. all i did was be supportive to him. this time and thousands of times before.. i listen to him, i explain things, i make it better, i’d listen to him being irrational, i would be hurting because of something, but he’d be completely unaware and just give me his crap. i never told him, i never complained to him. i never asked him for anything.

this is my problem with him, with them, all of them. “friends” is just a word to them. they don’t know when it matters. they’re all about fun and games. talk about eachother with everyone else. drama. problems. secrets. he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not. hate, resentment and jealousy. fucking psychos!!

why are Marlboro Ultra lights hurting my throat? whats different?

my head is fuzzy.. it feels heavier than usual. my fingers are cold. my outfit is girly eww.. my phone never rings. and when it does, i don’t pick up.

see ya

I Just got back from the last Spring Of Culture show at the Arad Fort. Un-fucking-believable!!

talk about the essence of Brazil! talk about truly bringing us Culture!
ok, i won’t pretend that I’m any kind of expert, I’ve never been to Brazil. but for two hours tonight, I lived Brazil.It was like magic. the second act was, i dunno if this is the right word, a symphony. four people appeared on the stage holding little instruments. the light fell on them and only them, and they started playing the instruments. playing something beautiful. then more people walked onto the stage, carrying strange little things that made noise that fit beautifully into the beautiful music. I guess thats when i fell in love.from the moment i sat down till the moment the show ended, the smile did not leave my face. and now my face aches, but my heart doesn’t. the beauty, the music, the life and the chemistry! it made me happy.

now lets start talking about the washboard abs of Brazil’s beautiful men.
here’s to a country where women look like women and men look like MEN!! the women aren’t perfect and neither are the men, but they’re all beautiful. they’re confident and proud of their bodies! I suppose that THAT is enough to make a person beautiful.

but the men, oh the gorgeous men, *sigh* made us feel things that we’re not supposed to.

at some point, one guy was dancing and took of his shirt. all the chicks in the audience shouted “WOOHOO!” while clapping, then, abruptly, they all went quiet! i guess that, for a second, all of us girls forgot where we were. don’t forget that on this island, you are NOT allowed to show your feelings or express any emotions.

one of my friends said something very funny. she said “when i saw them move, the first thing that came to mind was that these people must be amazing in bed.” and another friend said “so what do you think these guys are doing later tonight?”

hear my virgin friends speak! they’re almost prudes, but this is what Brazil did to them.

yes. the show made the sexually active more active, and the sexually frustrated *ahem* more frustrated.

but us girls weren’t the only ones who were entertained. one act was of this couple dancing, and the chick was wearing a strapless tutu. now, i asked a couple of people and not everyone noticed, but the people in the front all saw what happened. half way through the dancing, one of her breasts popped out!! *this is the part where you gasp* i kid you not! i wasn’t completely sure until i saw some people looking embarrassed, with their hands on their mouths, trying to look away.
I was embarrassed for the girl. i was also traumatized. i can’t imagine how humiliating it would be to have that happen to someone in front of so many people. but you know what? being the Brazilian she is, she strutted back on stage smiling and dancing as if nothing had happened.

Sadly though, the show had to end at some point. plus my ass was falling asleep.
I’m happy to say that a very entertained audience gave them a standing ovation which was well deserved! everyone was in awe. everyone was impressed.

but i gotta say, the parliament is gonna have a field day with this show. even if the boob went unnoticed, we still got to see boys and girls in panties!I’m so happy I went to this show!! it was totally worth it! but at the rate that the stupid parliament is going, i don’t think that we’re going to have any shows like this one in any future “Spring Of Culture”, and thats if there even IS a “Spring Of Culture” in the future!!lets look on the bright side, i was exposed to a culture and now I’m in love. maybe there’s something there. maybe I’ll have a Brazilian wax and marry a Brazilian and have cute, dancing Brazilian babies. or maybe i just go there on my next vacation!I Salute You Brazil!! the country, the people, the passion and the culture. you must be proud!

ok. its time.

its time i talk about this book. The Secret.

every book i ever read altered my life in some way or the other. i like to think that my personality is the result of summing up every book i have ever read. its scary because my taste in books is very eclectic. one day i’d be reading politics, the next horror, sometimes romance, self help, inspirational and even Harry Potter no wonder I’m a kook!

Back to “The Secret”. this book is scaring me and changing me in ways i never thought possible. it talks about the “law of attraction”. the law of attraction basically talks about what every person attracts to his/her life by the power of *get this* THOUGHT.

Yes, it sounds stupid. And I, like everyone, was skeptical… at first.

the whole point of the book is to teach you what they say most of the most successful/talented/known people in history have known. whether they had a name for it or not. they knew it. and used it. that with the power of thought you can get anything you ever wanted. success, money, cars, a spouse, cure illnesses, etc…

ok. still sounds crazy right? well, i decided that there’s no harm in trying. So I tried my best to follow the guidelines and comments. i had a problem doing that because it meant changing the way I think. the thing is, it talks a lot about negativity and how this negativity is blocking people from getting what they want. So the book says that I have to monitor my thoughts and whenever i have a negative thought, i had to change it into something positive. it was EXHAUSTING. i never knew how negative I was. i think my thoughts are 90 percent negative. so i tried to work on that as much as i consciously can.

And then i decided to put their theory to the test. i decided i had to start with something small. I decided to attract a pink, heart shaped, helium balloon to me. i know, stupid huh? but really, i don’t remember ever seeing a pink heart shaped helium balloon here, like, ever. i’ve seen red, but pink, never!

so this was a couple of weeks ago. the steps to get what you want go like this

1- know exactly what you want with description. if it helps, write it down. it has to be in a phrase like “I want a pink heart shaped helium balloon” or “I want this car” or something . by doing this, you made your wish. so don’t do it again. if you keep asking for it, it is as if you are doubting that the universe will abide.

2- believe that you will get it with all your heart. even if it means you have to close your eyes and envision that balloon right there, imagine touching it, imagine how it feels, imagine holding it in your hands. or in the case of a car, even if you have to go to the dealership and sit in the car pretending that you already have it. believe you will get it. and never ask HOW you will get it. its not your job. the universe will rearrange itself to make it happen.

3- prepare yourself to receive it. like in the case of the car, you can clear out your garage to have space for it or whatever. by pretending you already have it, it will make things easier for you to get it because you believe it.

i tried my best to do all this, and today, two weeks later, out of nowhere, one of my best friends sends me a message on my phone that said “come over for a bit today if you’re in Manama i want to give you something”. but i couldn’t because my friends were going over to B’s house and i had to go cause i’ve been ditching them for a while. the thing is, everyone had to leave B’s house early because everyone had work. so everyone left at around 8:45. i was going to go home, but i thought that i should go see my friend for some reason. even though it was raining.

so i go over to her house and she says “i was shopping today and i got you something. i thought of you and got you this”:

i almost fainted.